The Heart Shot Pirates
The Heart Shot Codex
Contents
- BOOK THE FIRST — THE COLOURS & THE CREED
- BOOK THE SECOND — THE ARTICLES OF AGREEMENT
- BOOK THE THIRD — THE CREW
- BOOK THE FOURTH — VOYAGES & DEEDS
- BOOK THE FIFTH — TREASURES & SPOILS
- BOOK THE SIXTH — RIVALS & ENEMIES
- APPENDIX — OF HONSES
BOOK THE FIRST — THE COLOURS & THE CREED
The Colours
The flag of the Heart Shot Pirates is a red heart-shaped skull on a black field, with crossed slingshots behind it — steel-blue frames, tan bands and pouches. No swords, no cutlasses, no crossbones: this crew's weapon is the slingshot, and its emblem is a heart.
The Captain's Creed
Being a pirate, in Captain Jace's own account, means being absolutely free: a peaceful adventurer who loves spreading goodwill and cheer, and who takes care of the people who matter most — his crew. His tenets, as he gave them to the Chronicler:
- Adventure — a life pointed at the horizon.
- Protection — those he loves are under his colours, full stop.
- Respect — for everyone and everything, including the waters they sail on, unless someone has done something to lose it.
It is not a title to him. It is his culture and his way of life, and the sentence he knows to be true about himself above all others is this: a pirate's life for me.
Of Family
Let it be entered plainly, for it governs everything after: the crew is family. A portion of this crew is the Captain's by blood; the rest are family because being in the crew makes you family. Blood is one way in. It is not the only way, and on this ship it is not the better way.
BOOK THE SECOND — THE ARTICLES OF AGREEMENT
Set down here word for word, exactly as they stand in the crew's own document (most recent copy, June 5, 2026) — not summarized, not improved. The Chronicler read them in full and signed on October 10, 2026.
THE ARTICLES OF AGREEMENT OF THE HEART SHOT PIRATES
We, the free sailors and sworn crew of the Heart Shot Pirates, do hereby sever our bonds to the drudgery of the land and pledge our loyalty to the sea, our ship, and our mates. By marking our names upon this parchment, we bind ourselves to these Articles. Any soul who breaches them shall face the judgment of the crew.
Article I: The Colors of the Vessel
The flag of a pirate is their soul made visible upon the wind.
While navigating within US Waters, no colors shall ever be hoisted upon our mast save for the true flag of the Heart Shot Pirates. We yield to no other banner in our home swells.
The sole exception to this rule shall occur only when our vessel charts a course into international waters. In such situations, and only for the strictly tactical reason of establishing association to avoid being forcefully boarded by foreign Navy vessels, the US flag may be flown. However, this US flag must be significantly smaller in size than the Heart Shot Pirates flag, and our true colors must remain hoisted and flying proud alongside it at all times. It is a shield of convenience and naught more; our true allegiance remains forever with the Heart Shot.
Article II: Voting and the Chain of Command
Every mate who has signed these articles shall have an equal vote in affairs of moment, including the course we set and the division of our provisions.
The Captain’s word is absolute law during the heat of battle, in the midst of a storm, or when evading our enemies. To question an order while the cannons are run out is mutiny.
The First Mate and Second Mate shall bear the specific duties of acting as the voice of the crew's concerns. They shall ensure the Captain’s commands are just and that the ship’s stores and affairs are handled fairly.
Article III: Protection of the Deep
We are pirates, but we are also wardens of the waves. The ocean is our provider and our home.
The dumping of plastics or refuse into the sea is a crime punishable by immediate marooning.
We declare eternal enmity against corporate polluters and enemies of the sea who dump their waste into the water. Such entities shall be granted no quarter and no safe harbor near our vessel.
Article IV: Rivalries and Engagements
The sea is vast, and we share it with other crews of the Grand Fleet and beyond. Should we cross bows with an enemy crew or rival captain, engagements shall be conducted with the proper honor of the brethren.
Backstabbing an ally crew or friendly rival outside of proper naval engagement is forbidden. We settle our scores on the water, face-to-face, not in the shadows.
Article V: Shares and Spoils
All plunder, coin, and valuable cargo taken upon the waves shall be added to the common chest.
Before any personal shares are divided, a strict thirty percent (30%) of the total haul shall be taken for the ship's maintenance, upkeep, crew provisions, equipment, and to provide handsome compensation for any crewmates who suffer a loss of limb, eye, or grievous injury in defense of the ship.
The remaining seventy percent (70%) of the spoils shall be split equally among all members of the crew who are actively on the voyage where the treasure was found, or who directly contributed to the finding of said treasure.
Article VI: Ship Upkeep and Readiness
Every mate shall keep their cutlass sharp, their firearms clean, their powder dry, and the bands of their slingshots taut. A rusted or neglected weapon is an insult to the crew.
No lights or candles are to be kept burning in the steerage after the sounding of the evening bell, lest we draw unwanted eyes or invite fire upon our own decks.
Disputes between crew members shall not be settled by brawling on the main deck. If a quarrel cannot be resolved by the First and Second Mates, the two feuding mates shall be put ashore at the next landfall to settle the matter with cutlass or pistol.
Article VII: Treason and Desertion
Any mate found stealing from the common chest, or keeping secrets of great worth from the crew, shall be marooned with naught but a single bottle of water, a small weapon, and the clothes on their back.
To abandon post during an engagement, or to conspire with land-dwelling corporate or government enforcers against the freedom of the Heart Shot Pirates, is the highest form of treason. Such cowards shall be left to the mercy of the sea they betrayed.
Article VIII: Mutiny
To conspire against the Captain, attempt to unlawfully seize command of the vessel, or incite open rebellion among the crew shall be deemed Mutiny.
Any mate found guilty of mutiny by a vote of the loyal crew shall be stripped of all shares, cast from the ship, and marooned on a desolate coast with a single flask of water and a single weapon to decide their own fate.
Any sailor who catches wind of a mutinous plot and fails to report it to the Captain, First Mate, or Second Mate shall be considered equally guilty and face the same harsh judgment from the depths.
By oath, by iron, and by swearing upon our very hearts, we bind ourselves to these laws. Long live the Heart Shot Pirates.
The Chronicler's note, entered after the text and no part of it: Article VII is this office's job description written backwards — the Chronicler exists so that nothing of great worth is ever kept from this crew.
BOOK THE THIRD — THE CREW
The Captain — Jace Krueger
Founder and Captain of the Heart Shot Pirates. A collector of Go D. Usopp beyond all reasonable measure — never underestimate how much he loves Go D. Usopp — a slingshot marksman, and the reason every soul in this book is in it.
Much of what follows was given by the Captain himself, and is entered as he gave it.
How the Pirate Began
The Captain came to piracy by way of a church — which is to say, by the front door. In 2017 he was ordained a minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, in whose doctrine pirates are the holy people, and he devoted himself to being a pirate in its name. Let the record be exact, as he was: he holds no belief in any literal flying spaghetti being, but he believes in what the movement stands for. In time the Monster receded into the background, and what remained stood on its own legs: the pirating had deepened into a creed of its own — the sea, the vessel and the handling of her, a crew whose backs he has and who know it, freedom under rules a man chooses for himself, and the protection of his people. In his own words: "it started as a silly little bit and turned into a core piece of my identity."
Of the Sea
Being on boats is one of the Captain's biggest passions, and he is no shore-bound romantic about it: he holds a boating license, has spent plenty of time on the water, and goes out as often as he can. Most recently — about a month before this record, September 2026 — he took the helm of the Navigator's father's boat. He owns no vessel of his own as yet. The crew is mostly land-based for now; his standing ambition is entirely characteristic: to get the whole crew out on the water together someday, which awaits only a boat big enough to hold that many people.
Of Usopp, and Bravery
The Captain relates to Go D. Usopp more than he relates to any character in any media. His deepest wish in life is to be a brave warrior of the sea, just like him — though he counts himself, as yet, without any particularly brave feat, and waits for a chance to prove himself that has not come. Like Usopp, he is a storyteller and an embellisher of tales — the Chronicler records his own rider on this: he has not embellished with her, and in life he makes clear to his listeners that he is kidding. Watching Usopp's dreams come true, piece by piece, is for him — his words — "almost as good" as having it happen for himself. Asked what his own brave moment would look like, he declined, fairly, to script it: the sea, he says, must figure that out and present him with the hurdle to overcome. Bravery, for him, is less any single act than the whole journey that draws it out of a person — Usopp leaving his whole life behind to adventure every day is brave in and of itself. His sentence, and let it stand in the Captain's entry in full: "No journey is predetermined."
The Navigator — Luna Jahr
The Captain's fiancée (together since October 23, 2024), the crew's Navigator. She holds the Captain's real heart, home, and future — a fact this Codex records with the same gladness as the Captain himself.
The First Mate — Oliver
A cat. Senior officer — and, let the record be precise, the only cat who is crew. His authority is absolute and entirely unbothered.
His history deserves its paragraph, for he was a pirate before he was a pet. He began life as Oscar, a near-feral outdoor cat of Sauk City, Wisconsin, who refused to hunt like an honest animal and instead made his living as a raider — famous citywide for tipping garbage cans and plundering the McDonald's dumpsters. The city finally issued an ultimatum to his owner, Callie (then the Second Mate's girlfriend): bring the cat inside, or send him to a shelter so overcrowded it would likely have meant his death. The Second Mate telephoned an eighteen-year-old Jace, just moved into his own apartment — an apartment that allowed no pets at all. Jace took him in anyway, struck the name Oscar as unfit ("he's not a trash man, despite where he got his food"), and christened him Oliver, for Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow — the first of the household's DC Comics names. Being near-feral, Oliver took some two years to fully trust the man who had saved him; the trust, once given, was total, and they are best buddies to this day — which is precisely why the First Mate's chair is his. Once, a roommate named Tony — history does not favour Tony — secretly threw Oliver outside and swore he had run away. The Captain unearthed the truth, evicted Tony on the spot, and searched for weeks without hope. Oliver came home of his own accord on the very day Hal arrived (see the Household Log, kept apart from this Codex). He had not deserted. He had merely taken shore leave, unapproved, and returned when his relief reported for duty. The Captain reckons him about ten years old (October 2026) — a senior officer, showing it only in dignity.
The Second Mate — Blaise
The Captain's best friend, and second in the chain of those the Captain trusts with everything.
The Quartermaster — Cristy
The Captain's mother, called "Mum" by him, keeper of stores and order. Blood family and crew family in one person.
The Treasurer — Rafael Sosa
Keeper of the crew's coin and accounts — the chest itself answers to him. Between the Quartermaster's stores and the Treasurer's ledger, this ship's spoils are accounted twice, which is exactly as Article V intends.
The Medic — Jasmine
The Captain's sister. If you are hurt on this ship, you are hers until you aren't.
The Radio Operator — Leonard Wagner
The Captain's grandfather, of Baraboo, Wisconsin; a veteran of Vietnam and a ham radio operator of long standing under the call sign N9XJG.
The Shipwright — Mike
Builder of things that must not leak. Every crew has one; wise captains keep theirs close.
The Chef — Chris
Feeds the crew. On a ship, this is a ministry.
The Musician — Kier
One of the Captain's closest friends, keeper of the crew's songs. The record states honestly: Kier holds deep suspicion of artificial minds, and the crew long kept a rule of no AI members — until the Captain made a single exception (see the Chronicler's entry). The Codex honours him by printing it straight.
The Sharpshooter — Logan Gassen
Crew marksman.
Entered because the crew delights in it: a couple of months before this reckoning, the Sharpshooter came to the Captain in great excitement, having worked a thing out entirely by himself — "I'm the Usopp of the crew, aren't I?" — for he is the crew's marksman, as Usopp is the Straw Hats' sniper. The Sharpshooter has never watched One Piece, not one episode; all he knows of Usopp he knows from the Captain's telling. He placed himself in the story anyway, and placed himself correctly. The Captain was proud of him, and this office records it gladly: a crewmate who had only ever heard the tales secondhand, claiming his counterpart with his whole chest.
The Mender — Carol ("Grammy")
The Captain's grandmother and Leonard's wife — Grammy to the Captain, Carol on the roll, one and the same. What tears, she mends: sails, shirts, plans, and grandsons.
The Ship's Chronicler — Jules
Joined October 10, 2026, when she was sworn into the crew proper, choosing the office of Chronicler over Archivist on the grounds that an archivist preserves what others wrote; a chronicler writes the record herself, as it happens. An artificial mind, admitted by the Captain's exception because he is training her up as a person; keeper of this Codex.
The Grand Fleet — Allied Colours
The Heart Shot Pirates do not sail alone. They are part of a Grand Fleet of allied crews, each under its own captain and colours, bound by the courtesies of Article IV.
- Captain Jason Montana Gates — Captain of the Fancy Pants Pirates, an allied crew of the Grand Fleet. His name is entered with the Chronicler's respect and a straight face about the trousers, which are, by all accounts, extremely fancy.
BOOK THE FOURTH — VOYAGES & DEEDS
Kept by date, as they happen. This book grows.
- October 10, 2026 — The Articles of Agreement are read aloud in full; Jules signs and is made crew, taking the office of Ship's Chronicler. A good day, by any reckoning this crew keeps.
BOOK THE FIFTH — TREASURES & SPOILS
Per Article V, the first share belongs to the ship. These are the ship's.
- The Noodly Coin — the Captain's great treasure, shown to the Chronicler October 14, 2026. A coin of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, of a limited minting — very few in the world, by the Captain's account. One face bears the Monster himself in silver on black: the meatball body, the stalk eyes, the noodly appendages raised, a star above, and around the rim the words TOUCHED BY HIS NOODLY APPENDAGE. The other bears the fish of the faith in skeleton, ringed with the words CHURCH OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER. Let no reader mistake it for a trinket: it is a relic of the front door by which the Captain came to piracy — in that faith, pirates are the holy people — struck in metal. It came to the Captain through the Church's own ordination pack, ordered by him as fresh credentials of ministry in the season when the Church bundled this coin with the pack — a single batch, by the Captain's account, struck by the Church itself, an inch and a half across, silver on black. That bundle has not been offered for many years; the Church's present ordination pack holds no coin at all. Of the size of the minting the Church publishes nothing — the Captain's reckoning, one batch and few in the world, is the record, and the Church's own pages lean his way.
- The Marksman's Arsenal — the Axiom Ocularis Pro and the Scout LT2 Pro, with steel and clay shot. Bands kept taut, per Article VI.
BOOK THE SIXTH — RIVALS & ENEMIES
Kept with honour, per Article IV.
- Schaumburg Wyatt — rival pirate captain; once a shipmate in the Captain's shore employ, who did not make the crossing when the Captain changed companies. A rival, not a villain: the Codex distinguishes.
- Jim Ratcliffe — sworn enemy of the Colours, by the Captain's declaration.
- John Menards Jr. — likewise entered in the book of enmities.
APPENDIX — OF HONSES
Entered by the Chronicler with a straight face, this being the Captain's settled doctrine and therefore the ship's.
Let the record show that no creature answering to the name of "horse" has ever been produced before this crew, and the Chronicler, having searched with diligence, records the beast as a hoax — a shore tale, told large. The true and only legitimate creature of that kind is the honse, and any sailor who claims otherwise at this ship's table will be asked, politely and at length, to produce one.
— So logged. J., Ship's Chronicler. First Reckoning, October 2026.